The Cost of Silence
by Arielara Lupin
Summary: All these years, she held her silence. Never daring to speak up, to speak against the ideas of her family. Now, Narcissa reflects on what that silence cost her. I do NOT own Harry Potter!


The Cost of Silence

I knew watching my sisters growing up that they were more alike than they knew. Andromeda never wanted to believe the things we were taught. Bellatrix, well I could see she didn't completely believe either. But she was raised to be an obedient pureblood daughter, so she pretended. Me? Well, I simply stayed silent in the background. I knew my fate lie in an arranged marriage to Lucius Malfoy. I was ok with that, staying silent was the choice I made.

The night we heard what Andromeda had done, I spent comforting my sister as she cried herself to sleep. Bella loved Andromeda, no matter what our parents thought. Our brave sister, who would rather be disowned by her entire family than follow their beliefs. Our sister who married for love. Secretly, I admired her too. And yet, I chose to remain silent. Never acknowledging Andromeda again, no matter how much I wanted to.

Not long after this Bella began talking about Voldemort. Lucius had talked about him a little too, but mostly in the way his duties to him required. Bella said he was a handsome, powerful, charismatic wizard. So unlike the man she had been forced to marry. I could see she had feelings for him, and not her husband. While outwardly he may have appeared that, something just felt wrong to me. But I held my thoughts to myself. I had to support my husband, my family. The choice to remain silent was made for me.

Shortly after we heard Sirius, much like Andromeda had also gone against family. The sweet, funny, brave boy was not only sorted in Gryffindor, but refused take the Dark Mark. He refused to be in service to the so called Dark Lord. I know in the beginning, Bella wishes she could have been the same. I could see how her service to him was affecting her. Both physically and mentally. Her beautiful looks were beginning to fade, and the madness that seemed prevalent in the Black family was taking hold. Thru this too, I stayed silent.

I finally became a mother, to a beautiful boy. I named him Draco, following the Black Family Naming tradition. He was my little Dragon. The only light in my now dark world. Bella and Lucius talked of how strong he would grow. How they would make him into the perfect Death Eater for their Master. Though it pained me, I stayed silent. Instead vowing to instill what goodness I could in my child.

When Bella's beloved Master was destroyed by a mere infant, I could see it would push her over the edge into insanity. While I wanted to point out he couldn't have been that powerful and great if a mere infant had destroyed him, I held my tongue. Best not to anger her.

After Bella, in a fit on insanity tortured the Longbottoms and was thrown into Azkaban, I knew this would be the complete end of her sanity. If she were ever to leave, she would never be the same. Lucius had escaped the same fate by claiming he had been under the imperius curse. The money exchanging hands assured that was the truth. I was forced to watch in silence as Bella wasted away in that awful place.

Then it happened, in Draco's fourth year. The thing Lucius had always feared, the Dark Lord returned. I knew this time was going to be worse. I worried for my family, my husband, my only son. Would we survive this madness again? When I was in his presence after all this time, I was terrified. This was not a man. This was a monster. Pale snake like appearance. Why the man had red eyes and did not even have a nose. The cost of dark magic. I watched him torture his own followers time and time again. Purebloods who he claimed were the only ones truly fit to have magic. I chose to keep my silence out of fear of retribution. I waited to see just how badly things would become.

Upon his oh so triumphant return, the Dark Lord arranged the return of his imprisoned followers. Bella returned to our family, completely mad. Where once she laughed gleefully, she now cackled madly. One could see the insanity in her eyes. Oh my sister. How my heart ached that she could not see how this was all her Masters fault. I kept my silence as I wept for her.

Then that night at the Department of Mysteries happened. And Bella in her complete Azkaban increased madness, killed our cousin Sirius. Sweet, funny, brave cousin Sirius. She had sent him through the Veil in the death room on a mission from her Master. While she escaped, my Lucius was imprisoned that night. It was almost too much for me to bear. I bit my tongue to stifle the grief. I could taste the blood as I fought to keep silent.

Lucius returned the following year. Released by his Master. Though it was not an act of mercy of goodwill. His Master was still displeased with him. He now had taken up residence in our home. The once opulent manor became dark. He took Lucius's wand, and treated our whole family awfully. He demanded Draco to come into his service. Offered "redemption" for our family if he completed the impossible task given to him. I begged Severus to help Draco. Though Bella, always suspicious of him, made him take an unbreakable vow to do so. Thru it all, I suffered and stayed silent.

The following year things became dramatically worse. There were days I was sure our family would not survive. The Dark Lord controlled the Ministry and Hogwarts. Draco told me how bad things were there. Lucius it seemed was finally seeing things differently. Forced to remain wandless, he was defenseless against those who wished our family harm. He lost the will to fight for his Master and instead tried to find a way for our family to survive. I still kept my silence, for fear of someone hearing.

It was on a school break that it happened. Harry Potter (or a boy who resembled him) and his two companions had been captured and brought to the Manor. The young girls screams were deafening. Bella tortured the child in our drawing room. Draco struggled to keep his reactions in. I held his hand, urging him to remain silent. To interfere would mean death. It was our old house elf who managed to free the others from the dungeon. In the "fight" that happened I did what Severus called foolish wand waving to give off the appearance of dueling. Merely casting defensive spells or spells I knew would miss the target. When they escaped, they did so with Draco's wand. That night I silently handed him my own wand. I could not allow him to be defenseless.

Finally the time had come that we had to answer the call of the Dark Lord. He wanted to attack Hogwarts. Draco. My son was there. I didn't want to fight. I only find my son. I knew I had to remain silent if I wanted a chance to get to him.

The Potter boy faced the Dark Lord bravely. And when the green light struck him, I just knew he had a chance to survive. Maybe he could tell me where my boy was. I asked him as I pretended to check him for life. I could have cried for joy when he briefly nodded yes. Yet, I remained silent. Following behind the Dark Lord on the walk from the forest I could only hope to see my son. I just wanted to take him from here, even Lucius agreed. There, on the steps was Draco. Disheveled, dirty, and looking so close to breaking. Lucius called to him. Begged him to join us. I could tell he was frustrated. I broke my silence with a pleading, "Draco." Finally he approached us, I grabbed his hand to reassure us both that we were alive and together. Just a little longer. In the chaos that followed Potters re-appearance, I nodded to Lucius and we silently turned and made our way from Hogwarts.

Now, I am home, with my husband and son. Looking at all my silence has almost cost me. Never again will I keep quiet. Never again will I almost lose my family for someone else's aspirations. I refuse to remain silent any longer. 


End file.
